RyanYEAH!!

1) As you can see in the photo, Abe was the real father of hip hop. According to friends, he could often be found “driving slow, homie” and “slapping hoes.”

2) His face is on the $5 bill, which is way more badass than being on the $1 bill, quarter, dime, nickel, and penny. In Lincoln’s own words, “All those other babies can suck it!”

3) He is the creator of several popular catch phrases such as “Four score and seven years ago.” In addition, he was the first person to ever use the abbreviation “wtf”, “rofl”, and “lol” in everyday language, almost 200 years before they became popular.

4) He was a networking genius. Quoted as saying, “If you wish to win a man over to your ideas, first make him your friend,” Lincoln’s popular ratio on DIGG is 59%… he has discovered and stumbled over 29,353 websites, and his YOUTUBE channel has over 10 million views.

5) The man had Syphilis, and we all know how you get syphilis… from banging hoes.

6) He was straight up assassinated. In the fashion of Biggie and Tupac, haters showed up while he was hanging out and popped a cap. Suckers die of TB and weird-ass milk sickness. Real gangsters die hustling.

Reason #1

Reason #2

Reason #3

It’s true, Ari Gold is the biggest badass on the planet. If you don’t believe me, just search youtube for “Ari Gold” and watch everything.

I suggest we all vote for Ari in the upcomming election… Could you imagine him and Osama face to face. Osama would probably crap his pants and then try to kiss Ari. Ok, ok… gaht it. Here’s a clip of Ari rolling up his wife and their therapist.